Skip to main content

WATCH: Exclusive Behind the Scenes Look at Saturday's Real GOP Debate

When the most irrelevant candidates are deemed by pundits to be the stars of the show, and the leading candidates continue to repeat their scripts over, and over, and over again, it can turn even the most crucial of debates into a feckless snooze fest; which is exactly what we got Saturday night. However, while the GOP debate Saturday night was mind numbing, all is not lost. Here is the exclusive behind the scene's look at the real debate as it unfolded in real time Saturday night, as told in each candidates own words.

Dr. Ben Carson:  When you forgot to introduce me second, which I thought was the plan, I thought maybe you thought I had already dropped out. Is it because I am so beautiful? I ask because I'm not an expert on anything - I'm always so surprised, why do they keep talking to me? I hope I haven't lost my powers of invisibility. 

Marco Rubio: President Obama knows exactly what he's doing, our nation is undergoing a fundamental transformation.When I am president we are going to embrace those things that made America the greatest nation in the history of the world, because when America is the most powerful nation the world is a better place. President Obama knows what he's doing, our nation is undergoing... President Obama knows... President Obama... - SYSTEM ERROR, system sys, sys, sys... SYSTEM FAILURE, CRITICAL OVERLOAD, please wind up crank located on back to reset your Marco Rubio action figure.

Chris Christie:  You don't look so good and you keep repeating yourself, as a leader who loves to hug I must ask, do you need a hug Mr. Rubio? No hug? Well I suppose repeating yourself is fun, so let me remind you that as a Govenor I was held responsible for my decisions Mr. Rubio, you weren't. Nananananana! - Look how long my tongue is when I stick it out. 

Jeb Bush:  Mr. Romney chose his Vice President, that was in 2012, good year, good year... but lets get back to the 2016 campaign, ya let's do that shall we - wow, 2016 already, maybe I should check my fridge calendar more often.

Donald Trump: Let me talk, quiet!... Listen, I love everything and everyone, and under my Presidency people will be dying in the streets by my bullets and Obamacare. Cause I'm a winner, and all I do is win, win, win (Iowa? Where's Iowa?)

John Kasich: We need common sense practical solutions, and I can bring people together to solve problems. - If I just keep saying this everyone will like me, right? Please America... Like me! 

Ted Cruz:  The Constitution, now and forever! Now let's go kill some jihadis, and protect our love members. - Love members? I hope everyone knows what I was talking about, wink.     

Think Aboot It